I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
