Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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