i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
