Already got asked if we're dating
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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