he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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