kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
