life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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