i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
