Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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