why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
