Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Screwed.edu
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
