my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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