New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
