I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
