I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
