call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Someone signed my nipple.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
