The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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