Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
