AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
