True but thats because hes a fetus.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
