Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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