none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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