U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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