I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
