I heard we made out
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
