Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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