If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
