once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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