her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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