what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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