I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
