I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize