is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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