Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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