I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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