is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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