I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
