ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
