I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
