It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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