I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
