I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
