i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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