Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize