it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
