You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
