i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i out mim tonsoeep
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