Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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