have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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