he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
