walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
