it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
