He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm really busy with my period
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