eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
