her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
