After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
