You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you traded sex for a burrito?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
