Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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