You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
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Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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