I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
