We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
