I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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