I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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