i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
