How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
