There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
