i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
