I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
