508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
