were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
