No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my being single is dangerous.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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