I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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