You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
